Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.
It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Oh s**t, it's Global Warming.
Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.
Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
...But she didn't wear that one often.
Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
'What have u got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon
Pies you di*khead.
Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
and turned its wool to nylon.
Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cause he was gay.
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her as*
Now two of his teeth are missing.
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.
little miss muffet
sat on a tuffet
eating her curds and whey
said little miss muffet
'what the f**k is a tuffet?
and if you mean cottage cheese you should say'
two little birdies sitting on a wall
one called peter, one called paul
then DEFRA came for these birdies two
chucked em on a fire cos of avian flu
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