Lucys Gays of the week,
Brought to you by ‘The world hates lucy’ Productions Ltd..
Made up of those ‘little things’ that really get on your tits or things that have made me look like a tit throughout the week...

Here are my Gays of the Week...

Dean Windass- So there i was at Grapevine at Attic on Tuesday when no other than City legend Dean Windass comes marching up the stairs as i was coming out of the loo from enjoying a loverly long piss...He recognised me from making him wear a hullvibe T Shirt the other day and slurred ‘OOORRR ‘IYA, w..w..will you buy me a drink?’ THE CHEEKY blighter! I thought ‘your on friggin 10 grand a week and you want ME to buy you a drink?!’ i pulled out me pockets to reveal i had a paper clip, 4 pogs and a scrumped up receipt from buying a packet of fags at Jacksons.


ARMS- The last gay leads straight onto my next gay...as Dean saw i didnt own a bean he asked me to hold his drink while he went for a wee (guess i was just in the wrong place at the wrong time eh?) With that some bloke comes storming up the stairs asking ‘You seen Dean?’ i explained he was having a shite and the bloke went to follow him into the toilet, with that i thought ‘f**k this’ and asked ‘cant you just take his drink to him please?’ The guy replied ‘NO I CAN’T’, which i thought was rather rude and replied with a ‘Why CAN’T you?’ ............only to then notice that this bloke only had one friggin arm. Put myself in a right shagpile ‘SHIT, I’m Sorry ‘...I walked away slapping myself on the head...’oh dear oh dear lucy’.


MY LEFT SHOE- I was in a rush yesterday down Newland Avenue as i was late for this comedy thing and had left my bag down Sharp Street off Newland Ave....As i was in a rush and it had ‘been a while’ i thought i’d try the old ‘running trick’ to get me there faster....It was great, i ran at leat 10 meters without falling down fitting on the pavement and there was no one else on the pavement to stand in my way.....I ran a little faster................and then a little faster, this was great.............with that my friggin left shoe came right off but because i was running so fast i couldn’t stop until at least 5 strides later, having to then stop and walk back the five strides to my abandoned shoe left on the pavement, typically outside Newland Fisheries with the whole scraggy Q of chavs watching me walk back and pick it up.....what a tit.


THE TASTE OF ELEGENCE- Now I’m one of those people who disguises the reek of my stinking bedroom with a plug in air freshener rather than getting rid of the compost heap slowly growing in the corner of my bedroom as i add another layer off old pizas and chips each week. Anyhoo, i needed to use the plug socket to iron out the smell on a skirt i should have put in the wash last week so i ripped it out to plug the Iron in.....covering myself with the liquid crap that seeped out, GREAT.
2 hours later, forgetting the Ambi Pur spillage i started to pick something that’d got stuck in my teeth. BLLUURRGGHH! Tasting the fragrant whiff all over my mouth, like when you accidentally taste purfume.........But his was worse, this was stronger, this was ‘AMBI PUR!’ And i spent the whole evening spotting in The Welly club with breath of a ‘Floral fragrance with essence of fruit, wood and musk’. How loverly.


So there you are gang.....a quick breif of how once again the world has had its wicked way with me....


Until next week,


Lucy